Monday, November 24, 2008

The Offishial Fish-Joke Post

by Benjo

A reader sends the following joke my way:
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: A fsh.


The reader's implication, of course, was that the fish, having no eyes, cannot see that he has misspelled the word "fish". However, fishes cannot read, and therefore this joke is not funny.

Not one to be denied a good laugh, I took to Google, certain that there must be some good ichthyological humor out there. My search yielded two gems:
Q. What do you call a fish with two knees?
A. Tunyfish!

Q. What do you call a fish with cable?
A. Telefishion!
These marvelous, dare I say Shakespearean, jeux de mots inspired me to create my own. So, readers, I present to you my first original fish-themed joke:
Q: What do you call a clothes store run by a fish and a guy named Abercrombie?
A: Abercrombie and Fishtch!
* * *

I invite you, in the comments, to fry up your own fish-jokes! It's very easy:
  1. Think of a word with a syllable that sounds like fish.
  2. Think of a question whose answer has that word in it.
  3. Substitute fish for the fish-like syllable.
  4. Pat yourself on the dorsal fin, because you've just written a hilarious joke!
I close with the first, and I believe best, joke that I've ever written. See if you can find the fish reference in it.
Q: What kind of resting can be very intriguing?
A: Interesting!


emily said...

Ok...attempting a fish-ism.

Q: What do you call a fish who doesn’t give you any of their pizza even though you’re really really hungry?

A: Selfish!

yeah? no? yeah…? I'm liking this.

Kevin said...

What do you call a loquacious fish with 1 eye?

Prate fish.

Kevin said...

Kevin, stfu. That's lame.

Benjo said...

Your joke is fantastic, Emily. Two gills up.

Kevin, I wasn't so keen on your first one, but the second post I enjoyed quite a bit.

Lavator Shemmelpennick said...

I wrote this one in 2005. Copyright L.S. so don't even try to steal it Benjo:

Q: What do you call a fish who has a nice looking outside shot but can't play defense and could never get past the Lakers when he was in Sacramento (although he is being given one more chance now that he is fortunate enough to be playing with Chris Paul)?

A: Peja Stoyakafish

Benjo said...

Nice try, Dr. Shemmelpennick, but I've been hearing that joke for years. Granted, the way I've heard it is slightly different:

Q: What do you call a fish who, at 6'10", pushes the limits of the term "small forward"--not to mention, the term "fish"!--who nonetheless has a sleek outside shot. In recent years, he has scored more points in the charity world than the basketball world--including a career-high 43 points in a single fundraiser last April--but many of his greatest fans hold out hope that this will be the year for him. ?

A: Peja Stojakofisħ

Nonetheless, thank you for your contribution.

Michael Leddy said...

I'll bite.

Why did the fish want a place with bigger rooms?

He was tired of living in an a-fish-in-sea apartment.


Benjo said...

Prof. Leddy,

I love it. Your apologies are not welcome here.

Here's one last fish joke from me:

Q: What do you call someone who, though socially progressive, believes that government should have no role in the regulation of fishing?

A: A fishcal conservative!

Kevin said...

Get a room!

Macon D said...

The only fish joke I know--sorry, I have no fin-ergy with which to make up my own:

What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!

Where's the fish, you ask? Well, the joke is like the piano--it's outta tuna.


Benjo said...

Macon, capisces--but one condition. I'll let you leave the fish family if you let me climb out of the water in return.

Q: What do you call a scientist who studies overly promiscuous frogs and turtles?

A: A herpestologist!

Skuld said...

Um, a fish with no i's is a fsh... perhaps with an aural telling one might get the original joke in a different way. Granted, this joke device (because it is an old device, and a classic) doesn't work that great here because in order to explain the joke even aurally would require spelling, but I respectfully submit that your interpretation of the joke is incomplete. Yes, no eyes, but i's, ah, ha ha, clever, lame; etc.

Or shall we tell it differently:

What do you call an investigator with no eyes?


ya, not really funny, but...

Happy new year yo

Anonymous said...

Q: What do you call a fish with no fin?

A: Scandinavian.

(Although some experts would disagree.)

ThomasVision said...

Hey Guys

Q:What do you call Whales who live in the dirtiest part of the Sea?

A: New Orca's

I'm from New York so I am not being too mean :-).