Fish Food

by Benjo

I apologize for my silence following the Of-fish-ial Fish Joke post. As you might imagine, emails poured in from all corners of the globe in response to the post. Not only did it take hours to read and respond to all these emails, but it took days to assemble my new do-it-yourself unfolded square globe.

But I'm back, and I want to answer the most common question:

If you eat fish, are you still a vegetarian?

This is a topic of ongoing confusion for people all over the world, so let us clear it up now.

Strictly speaking, no. One who eats fish but not meat is called a pescetarian. The reason this is so confusing for people is that they think pescetarians are those concerned with the apocalypse and the final destiny of humankind. While this topic may be of coincidental interest to a pescetarian, it is unrelated to dietary choice; the proper word for such a person is an eschatologist.

Many readers disputed this interpretation, though; as one asked,

Aren't eschatologists, you know, poop people?

In fact, a "poop person" is a scatologist. Mind, you, we are off the topic of food now; while scatologists study feces, they do not eat it. The word for someone who eats shit is vegan.