Johnny Nailon, 7, Thanks Jesus For Go Fish Victory

by Benjo

Ever since ESPN started showing professional poker, I haven't followed my second favorite card sport, Go Fish. After reading the article below, I think I'll need to fix that.

After a stunning come-from-behind Go Fish victory, 7-year-old Johnny Nailon bowed his head in prayer, then spiked his cards.

“I want to thank Jesus for giving me that three of spades,” said Nailon, whose game against his brother, 11-year-old Damian, was his first ever. “I always told Damian Jesus liked me better, but this just proves it.”

Damian accused Johnny of cheating, suggesting that on more than one occasion, his younger brother peeked at the cards in the pile while he was going fish. Johnny refuted the accusation, saying, “It's not cheating if Jesus is trying to get you to do it.”

Christine Nailon, the boys' mother, agreed with Johnny. “Maybe if you'd gotten a better grade on your science test, Jesus would have let you win,” she told Damian after the game.

According to Mrs. Nailon, the tables turned when Johnny asked Damian if he had any jacks. Damian told Johnny to go fish. He fished a jack, jumped up, and yelled, “I fished my fucking wish!” repeating an exclamation he'd heard the previous week during his father's weekly game of Go Fish with his friends.

Since her children's game, Mrs. Nailon and her husband have been discussing Johnny's future. “For him to beat his older brother, who's much more experienced, in his first game, was a sign that Johnny's Go Fish talent runs deep,” she said. “We're going to take things one day at a time, but the prospect of a professional Go Fish career is exciting enough that we'd be crazy not to consider pulling Johnny out of school for it.”

Johnny will test the waters this Saturday, amongst an expected crowd of 200, mostly in their 50s and 60s, who will be competing for the title of “Go Shark” in the Greater Northeast Go Fish Tournament, where the top cash prize will reach $100,000.

Reports that Damian had converted to Judaism, as well as his apparent proclamation that “Moses and me are gonna kick Johnny's ass in H-O-R-S-E later on,” could not be confirmed as of press time.